Monday, November 23, 2009

do you think your forces will win
when it's safer now

I met you in the middle
when I couldn't tell who was who
and which was which

I saw you laughing
and I couldn't help but smile

it's safe for now
we can meet in the middle

and when you could only smile
I found I could only smile

my savior has left for now
and I am waiting for his return

Saturday, September 5, 2009

no longer a seeker
but one who is found
eyes dismiss the horizon
two feet firmly on the ground

strangers are once again kind
smiles all around
no more fear of the other mind
yes is a holy sound

waiting patiently
speaking with trees
laugh if you will
you can hear giggles in the leaves

all this time, i always knew
but now that i've heard you say it, too
i know it's true
with no mind i am able to connect
an open ear is a bucket
that collects

fallen drops
unnoticed thoughts

often not the sorts of things encountered

but in gnosis
there is a message
that we are vessels

mind is an ocean
and thoughts are trestles
collective bridge
universally traversed

there are maps with buried treasure
and songs in code with secret measures
hidden words and unknown pleasures
secrets waiting to be discovered
by those who seek, like desperate lovers
vernacular of the cause
meant to speak with
car alarms
mint to see what
dairy farms

but all along

lemon drops, i was wrong
you were there
i was gone
i'm around
has it been long?

can't complain to the dusty rain
falls on your musty mane
must be the same
speaking of the shrine you became
i saw a face
encased anyway
and tried to speak
for lack of sight
but caught in a lie
hardly disguised
eyes were trembling
but tender to the touch
saved grace when sighing

did not ask forgiveness
left with less
only kindness would come
over abundant, trembling eyes
all this time seeing all
the other boys
live out all my dreams

everything's fine
life is but a dream

living vision
sight unseen

can never escape a mirror
always stopping to preen

and these words are forever definite
feelings not fleeting feel permanent

but how would you know unless you were told
before your essence
a wish
so prescient
standing in the presence of god
confessing your heart's true desire
do you think you mumbled?
in that moment of revelation
was there a word fumbled?

before you were here
i saw you near a telephone
you picked up the receiver
and placed a finger on the number



measured in candles
we slowed down
beheld vandals
we let them go
wear dove shoes
on this cakewalk
in culmination of clouds
fall through the roof
on the case, superstitious
on a search for delicious
be not the product
(whom do you love?)

and would you ever stop?
this prison home
sands never could
without a shout
only the focus that caused you
incentive to bear fruit
ceased to be natural
dropped out
nothing here seems to last
joy in an instant
sorrow in a flash
next moment, nothing's wrong
so quick you coulda missed it

because time flows, there it goes
no sense in wonderin'
where it came from
no way to see where it goes
time flows, dip your toes
and do not beware the currents
who couldn't mind you
having not a mind to mind you
only places to go to
anything to show you
who knows where you'll go to
(this same spot, by the river)
darkest tangle
holy angle
geometry to liberate the sun
seen shining on
and spinning round
and giving up
or letting go

words fit to mangle
any sentiment
or attempt to fable
last i saw of the bay
it was foggy
a grey day
and all the different colored boxes
covering up the hills
all looked the same
back in a hurry
i saw a flurry
wrestled to the ground
submit without a sound
and found hope in no resistance
exclusion that abounds
in search of right persistence
deserted, lost my crown
king of all that could be
sired prince of what was
born nostalgic
cries out for lost love
sips sweet milk of longing

hope for the throne is gone
and the king lives on
no and yes
and neither
but nor
also but no
within and without
has and will become
now and forever
for thine
is the kingdom
was this terminal
one more final...

but understood for all that was lacking
in articulation of sound

big waves
but the shore's never around

all this time

i fell out of the rough crowd
sleeping like dew on lighter boughs
but still, bowed out
before the curtain closed
always been time
now's fine
no need for reason
or reason to rhyme
just flying, saturday
out to san francisco
for the first time
flying, not just
but to that city
maybe this time's the third

now's fine
always been time
and separate, or whatever
it's fine
we're together, this time

we are the actors
collapsed hierarchies
always stayed the same
under moonlight
washed in lamplight
the lunar radiance
the orange glow
ghostly wan womb of ocean cast
and all softly burning incandescence
always stay the same
and what if it were never revealed
but remained hidden
and what if we never spoke its name
but kept it alive

presence given by absence

would it wither
in deepest recesses
despite its inherent light

would it fill
the empty corridors
with its abundance

and can it be named
without loss

can it be contained

Monday, August 31, 2009

seen through blinds
behind darkened leaves
the sky, several clouds
the sun shines

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

operative jitters,
the kind that keep a struggle down
nausea, nauseated
compounding fears, contracting
you're beautiful, I know
bereft of lessons, and lessened at that
but unseen, taken
obscene, jittered
caffeine, littered
sidewalks, walked out
to lessen

Friday, July 10, 2009

Look, the ascendant crest

This time, it's really the best

I guess you do your thinking in the morning
Coffee drinking

Look, there's minutes left
I think it's great -
rather quit than be late

But wait a minute
When do you do your thinking?

I see you in the morning,
coffee drinking

I think it's great
really great
my dead cells die
I said, "The dead sea cries"

I think it's great
where the weeping willows grow,
brick houses lined up
row upon row
and the picket fences are weary
and wear does show

in the cove,
the windows are boards
and elsewhere occupants
sit on porches
looking out
through weeping willow trees
past weeping willow leaves
after all,
it's only ocean
as we kick up sand
running, hopeful
it hits harder
the waves and the water
I had you by the wrist
a handful
Mandibles and jaws
underwater, scurry claws
In the dark,
that's when you fall

but towards me now
stumble towards me now

the tide crashes
into surf

stumble towards me now
But just think about this
You could stay
And reminisce
Or stumble lightly
And holler "This!"

Under Spanish moss
see, it's firefly time
Guilt from jars
but this time you're free

Looking out from the highest branch
I always wondered
Looking up at the fading twilight
I always knew
But in the darkness we whisper
because our secrets won't stay overnight
great sensation
oh god can't stop feeling elation
but unmoved, i sat stationed
waiting to be waiting
for consummation
of a first forgotten kiss
all this time just
aching for bliss
all this time thinking
"I could live like this"

didn't stumble
rumble rolled down the grass
and then
did it again
and then I did it again
and I'd do it again

weight's song

wade out, weight's gone

surprised now,
to find me gone

don't fade out,
there's nothing wrong

I'll say it now
but all along

I'll say it now,
the same old song
weight's gone

I'll say it now
but all along

spark never missing
miss always kissing
blessed, never guessing

I'll say it now
but all along
finally tested
and struck out of bounds
undressed, yes
but stuck around
"let's just forget this"
unless invested
tomorrow, out of town

written in the sunrise
hidden behind closed eyes
and then squinting, trying to memorize
for the long ride

began at sunrise
spilled out into the afternoon
spelled out in clouds, nighttime
never lost never found
ear to the ground
swam right through you
didn't make a sound
never lost you
never around
still I'm lost
never found
swam right through you

still, it's after
you're still around

ear to the ground

be still, breathe faster
don't make a sound
found unarchived
screaming "go away"
life's white elephant
drifting in sanctuary
only audio
asked, "who are you?"
found a ribcage
and a wristwatch
queen of the sanctuary
absolved by purpose
willing prisoner of the maze
entered, to never return
If they call to you
(come and break through)
Tell them something true
(Your desire is transparent,
I can see right through)
No need to see
What is felt
No gone beyond
When I am here

I sent the ladder away
bid the gods good day
I decided to stay
mothless myrmidons of melodrama
recite memoranda
of time spent under boardwalks
under verandas
under bleachers
walking in the sand

side by side
hand in hand
who would never say
the difference is clear
making up excuses not to be near
was it fear
can this wait
I don't want to be
too late

let's get this straight

I know you never said
I could never imagine
wait a couple years
and we'll see what happens
but I can't wait
not while I'm still here
if it wasn't meant to be
let's just make that clear

I'll never know
you'll never say
I can't wait
it's not the same

I'll never know
it's not the same
took for granted
ever supplanted
by transplanted foes
who knows, could be friends
but it all depends on thoughts
of, "who wins?"
or maybe just the wind
on one particular day
might be enough to sway
slay jealousies
and reverse prophecies
sit over coffee
and suss out a cease fire
get us out of this quagmire
rekindle some
friendly fire
did not contain sulfites
inherent in your speech is disbelief
weight like anchors under syllables
dropped like hints
but still, disputable

only out of sincerity
to remain flush
ruddiness compels you

I'll never know
could haunt you
the specter of missing words
ghost of the unspoken
hung like motes
(hidden clover)
came ever closer
To those who diatribe on the rise of spies behind our eyes, I say:
Be not the product of fortunate gusts
Or of calamitous clouds
Drink not of running water
But sup thy thirst
on the blood of the divine -
thine own life

Feast not on the carrion
of bygone selves
But on the multiplying loaves
of possibility
Beyond belief
Understood to be the chief
Drying off his cheeks
Before he goes to sleep

Loud or soft
The bombast perpetuates
And in our coded tongue
We celebrate

Intent to hallucinate
finds pleasure
In the degenerate
Would not hesitate
But arrives early all the same
mantenga siempra
It was therefore decided
On the eve of my departure
To depart from indignant aimlessness
And plot my own life's direction
(Is he serious?)

The sound of a flight I might be on
I might be wrong

Poet's uncertainty
of childish things
To seek security
or wander and sing
and besides,
I left you uncertain, bedside
I tried not to wake you
Morning eyes closed, not closed

Might pretend I was a dilettante
Cast a spell all wrong
Might pretend
Ignore this elephant

Anne, you are an elephant

my summer vacation

believe me when I tell you photographs never lie

it's hard to forget
hot marshmallows stuck on a stick
stuck to your lips
fingers smacked on and sucked
lapped up and licked

beset by bumblebees
gave up
got sick
is essentially a choice between a non-living existence and an unflattering utterly supercilious disguise furthermore it must be stated that no entity capable of such delimiting gestures unless acted upon by wholly listless causation and more to the point:
slender visitor
slip through tender
rip through
sans protest
fell on sighs,
on high
on heavy breast

coddled appendage
given moist kiss
not to idle
not to contest
only dusty feet
only calloused hands
without memory

slanted twilight
breath of early may
hung barely visible
in untraceable motes
stay cool, stay hidden
through shadowed alleys that we've ridden
on bikes, at night
past signs that read "forbidden"
past houses that we lived in
beyond hope of what we could've been

stay cool, stay hidden
build a secret place
without a face to make
until the nuance has been noted
do not refrain
from the emotive
do not color your tears all blue
discern between shade and hue
drink up juicy berry drips
sip down mint tulips
and honey golden brown
summer's slender finger poke you on the nose
burn you bright
make it glow
behind your eyes
ladybug spots, inside your eyes

tonight not allowed not to sing too loud

Woo hoo! There it goes!
All along this breezy road it blows between my toes
And all along this breezy road I'll sing but no one knows
I'll sing but no one knows
What no one knows
I'll sing what no one knows
recalled the purpose of our automatic wandering
received a glimpse in the midst of a foggy dream
lost my path and ended up following

but all forgotten trails
reveal an endless destiny
manifested by choice
and all forgotten vision
collects in pools
that gather into streams
that gush into rivers
that swell into ocean
and sometimes rise into the sky
to flood


solvent inspection
first director's prime suspicion
early decisions of father's incentive
to deliver proper timetables
in conjunction with principled
built monumental
singular structure
puncture, push, press, pull

pedigree, but of humble
the vernacular of blessing compels you forward
through saucered cups and ritual brunch
smacking politely on triangles of jam
and spotting, with squinted eyes,
a hushed murmur
and darted glance
poised to strike
with languid vigor the gaze's mocking descent
left unfinished
a lineage
of saucered cups
disturbed urban warrior
vision minus ulterior
your interior blush
and rush to rust
decaying trusses
crackling concrete
crumbling high rise
finish unhidden
deeds unbidden
release into stream
amorphous dream
made without mettle
untouched, unspoken
I was a butterfly in your exegesis
I was as numerous as Genesis: 15
the stars are my descendants
I am the third temple
crumbling under Salome's veils
all illusion fell victim to redemption
in lilting sunsets,
in some sorrowful rose

on saturday,
under lunatic sun
flirting with wan womb of moon's ghostly glow
settling numb and proud
in drunken salt water
take it all in
all past regrets
all sin
deny you were dying
describe without trying
the room where you were born
drift over hilltops
descend into hollows
and not the darkness which follows
the sunset below horizon's edge
the appearance of orion's legs
give hope to dawning giants
sparkle sweetly on sleeping lions
dim, in the morning, in their den
that's not what I meant
manifest the sails of progress
an endless belief in sexual conflict
romantic derelict,
you erotic heretic
who believes in the body
who howls, "absolve me!"
lift, uplift the curtains
disperse all blessings

get dressed, it's time

A sentimental heart

swallowing swarms of heavier storms
a friendly penchant to warn
lonesome lovers, forlorn
the cry of the torn
unheard in the morn
silent inside minds
and written between lines
secrets fit for spies
too cryptic to describe
but seen in subtle motions
of the hands and of the eyes
they duck and hide
while I
I swallow swarms of heavier storms

i saw four eyes this time
and forgot
i looked away and felt embarrassed
because of distance

because you're always here

sparkling foxes of constellations bright

fixing all the foxes
work it out inside
to jump to jupiter's height
my heaven
remind time in separation
freak out this space
saturn's rings
slender finger
unmasked you pretenders

moondust of the galaxies
eddies in the void
all gone beyond
gravity alludes to your flight
all gone
i saw four eyes this time
i saw your possibility expand
i felt you in front of me

you were there

and anyway it's true


ok so another poem
you know who wrote em
just another tipsy scribbler
making marks to remember
loose structure
thoughts to puncture
sleepy minds, never mind
cushy couch on the corner
dirty sheets to adorn her
writhing on and on
some have come
some have gone
but, hey, it was fun
and never over, just begun

when then was now

now it's time
always been fine
yeah, our reasons
yeah, our rhymes
without apology
a speechless fascination
just eyes meeting
no expectations
just time, fleeting
our moments of reverberation
heavenly sensations
pushing forward
mad howling winds
down the madison
under the magnolias
it's quiet
and under the I-55
we're silent
and the river is a changing constant
always never the same
we'll never be the same

Monday, March 23, 2009

i made it, i got it

i made pizza
i made plans
i made beds in cities
i never slept
i made time
i made drawings
to pass the time
i made tracks
i made noise
i made shapes
staring out the window

i got lost
i got left
i got taken
i got rest
i got coffee
i got to sleep
i got up early
i got dropped off
i got to see you
i got drunk
i got attached
i got nervous
i got away
i got nothing
but the clothes in my bag

Saturday, February 21, 2009

the hardest part is yet to come

Now leaving Pictorialism, now entering, approaching/appropriating Pop Art, apparently. An aesthetic arrived at sideways, and from behind, approaching from an historical vector, the foundational approach, I suppose: starting at the beginning and progressing, in upward steps, towards the pinnacle, which is always one step ahead, so that someday, hopefully, I will always be in the present. The strategy now appears to be clear, which may require subversion, or perhaps a strategy of undermining, in order to find some new direction, upwards maybe but diagonal, or even parallel, the direction or shape not really important but just the surprise at what is produced with each generative step, each action also a possibility, so that stepping is of itself the purpose for stepping, an action is an action, perfect equal relationship, self-reflexive, self-affirming motion: yes, I am stepping. I stepped from Pictorialism into Modernism and am currently stepping through Modernism into Pop Art, and the beginnings of an 80's Postmodernism have already emerged, as well as an interest in work dealing with questions of medium and media, so that I have become of multiple eras, and am seeking to connect them all, to give depth to each project by drawing them from a basic proposition outside of themselves, an idea in abstract, an axiom which gives form to the steps: Life is energy. Life is the ability to move, in any small increment, however passively, as well, so that a child in a coma at least breathes, has a heart that beats, however softly, and that is energy, and that is life, and a leaf, too, falling to the ground, blown across concrete by wind, has energy, too, and is life, and surely the sparks of a fire, and surely the restless ocean, surely the stars that shine, and even the bedrock of the earth shifts, life, which is energy.

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Development, Inevitably

Untitled [No possession, no expectations]

Experimental Youth Romance

Forget the influence, I was under you.

Is certainty desirable? Is permanence ideal? I'm a rolling stone, I'm gathering moss. I wander the country, I won't leave the house. Let's get out of here, just stay with me. But contradictions aren't surprising; I'm not impressed by those commas. I'm faking a stance of disappointment, because it's expected. You got semi-colons, you 're connected. Each fully fleshed idea connecting one to the next, by punctuated phrases, by alliterative consonants, continually concerned with the crushes of others, collected. Cute. Ace in the pocket, high above your head, the miasma of denial and inaction, hiding under a hoodie, in the corner with your criticism. Did you catch all that? Did it fall through your fingers, weightless, lacking content? Each rain drop holds a secret - drink it in, toxic as honesty.

(to be updated)

Sunday, February 1, 2009

Old Enough to Care

Teen Drama

She said I wouldn't be caught dead
She said let's go to my place instead
I looked at the books she read
I didn't hear a word she said

Try standing still
Try being real

She didn't say a word
As I turned out the light
She didn't say a word
And it didn't feel right

Try standing still
Try being real